Will You Marry Me: Choosing The Right Officiant For Your Nuptial Ceremony

by Mia Bolaris-Forget (Staff Writer)

Choosing an officiant, the RIGHT officiant, that is, can often be just as important (if not more so) than choosing the right ceremony/reception location, dress/tuxedo, and/or spouse.

Besides it being imperative that he or she is of your respective denominations (or an adequate representative of both), he or she must also be someone you admire, respect, and get along with. And, he or she must be open to your ideas and willing to guide you and work with you.

With that said, it’s best to be prepared for picking a preferable person for you.

Preliminary Preparation Before You Even Meet:

· Make sure the officiant is available on your date

· Inquire about documents you may need on your initial meeting

· Ask about how he or she feels about personal vows, readings, poetry, music, etc.

· Find out about any pre-nuptial counseling that may be required.

· Remember to ask about fees: ceremony and donation fees alike.


Your Official Meet And Greet: Considerations To Address On Your First Formal Meeting.

· Ask for a tour of the ceremony room or sanctuary and make sure it will accommodate your needs and your guests and don’t forget to look for as ask about features such as wheelchair accessibility.

· Inquire about what the ceremony site offers such as aisle runners, pew ribbons, flowers, candles, etc

· Find out in advance about any restrictions such as verbiage of vows, type of music that can be played, even appropriate attire (note most Jewish ceremonies don’t allow for exposed shoulder and backs), etc.

· Ask about whether or not the officiant can instruct you on writing you vows and offer his or her assistance and/or input

· Ask about the possibility of hearing the officiant’s sermon beforehand

· Find out if you officiant will be available for any “expected” or unexpected conflicts that he or she can settle or help you handle.

· Find out if you need to bring your marriage license to the ceremony, where to get it, when it will be signed and who will mail it in, in order to obtain you official one.

· Ask about having a photographer/videographer at the ceremony and/or guests taking pictures.

· What about throwing rice, rose petals, releasing doves, butterflies, etc?

· Find out the best time to schedule and conduct the rehearsal.

· Find out if your officiant will be staying for your reception (if you know him or her, it’s always proper to send an invite) and if he or she will be attending with family.

· If your officiant will be present at the reception, inquire about him or her offering a special sentiment or blessing.